the yellow line

I'm standing, well squatting, with half my body out of the tiny airplane door, with a random dude named Andy strapped to my back.

My toes are on the yellow line, my hands clinging to the harness straps.
All I can see is the world below. 12,500 feet below.

"ARE YOU READY???!!!" he screams in my ear.
"uhhh I DON'T KNOW!!!!" I scream back.

Before I can even think, he leans forward. All of a sudden, we are out, speeding headfirst at 100 mph. STRAIGHT DOWN.

How I didn't pee my pants is still beyond me.

I closed my eyes out of instinct as the wind rushed past. I couldn't scream, let alone breathe. Soon enough, he tapped my shoulder, a signal to let go of my harness, and spread my arms. I open my eyes, and we are free falling over the mountains. I steered around a bit, in shock of the beauty of what was in FRONT of me. I could hardly take it all in. Plus, throw in the fact that we are FREE FALLING here people.

Suddenly, he pulls the parachute, and my legs fling forward in front of me, and we go rushing up. It took my breath away! And then everything was...

Quiet.
Still.

All you could here was the sound of my heart beating, the adrenaline pumping, and me trying to stop hyperventilating from the thrill of it all.

But, oh so still.

Then, we just floated. It felt like we were suspended in time, over top of the beautiful foothills.
I just kept thinking, "this is real. I'm actually up here, doing this. This is real."
We talked for a while, about school, about life. All while being suspended in the air... in time.

Too quickly, the ground suddenly looked closer, and I could see my giant fan club at the bottom. We glided into a giant sandpit. He detached my harness. I kissed the ground. He gave me a big hug.

And then all I heard was...

CHEERING.
Crazy cheering.

I threw my hands up in the air and walked over to my friends and family.

JOY.

That's what the emotion was that made me feel like I could run a marathon.
Well, that and the crazy amounts of adrenaline. Heck, I could probably pick up a car with all that adrenaline.

But the joy was uncontrollable. Overflowing.
For the first time in a long time, I KNEW I was

FREE.
Renewed.

Want to know the craziest part about this whole skydiving experience?
I prayed everyday that week, and the entire plane ride up, that I would have NO FEAR. NONE. Fear has plagued me for a long time.

And I was sick of it. Over it, as we say in my family.
So I prayed for no fear.

As I sat on the bench in the airplane, watching the guys in front of me jump and be carried down by the wind, I knew I had a choice.

To panic. Or to let this be a beautiful crazy unknown.
To jump out into the unknown with fear or without.

Because I was getting out of that airplane. That was a choice I made by showing up. Those guys are jumping... and you are attached... so stinks for you if you don't wanna go. There was no turning back.

So, as I toed up to the yellow line, leaning out over the world, I decided to leave my fear in the plane.

Forever.
Done.
Over it.

So we jumped. And flew. And SOARED.

I leave for college in 6 days. 6.

I feel like I'm on the ride up in the airplane.
And all I know is that I have to toe up to the yellow line.
That is my only job.

Someone else will pull the parachute. Someone else will direct us to the landing. Someone else will steer.
I just have to step up to the yellow line and lean over the world.

God will pull the parachute. God will direct us to the landing. God will steer.
I'm attached to Him.
Completely dependent on Him for my safety.
Well, if you really think about it...

My life.

Like my instructor Andy told me,
"I know what I'm doing.... it's you that I have to be afraid of. You are the one that doesn't know what you are doing... I am attaching a huge hunk of life to the front of me, and I'm responsible for getting you down safely."

God attaches "huge hunks of life," who have no clue what they are doing, to the front of Him.
And jumps out of a plane called life.
So, we can jump in fear. We can cry. We can kick and scream the whole way down.
Or we can plunge headfirst. Feel the wind in our face. Feel the rush. Enjoy the quiet.
Might as well have some fun, right?

TRUST. Dependence.
That is what is essential to actually jumping out of that plane.
And not allowing fear to stand in the way.

I'm toeing up to the yellow line in 6 days.
I think I'll LOVE the ride down.

"Be still and know that I am God."

Psalm 46:10